Jared Lorenzen Ate Jared Lorenzen

Jared Lorenzen, Now an Even Fatter Happy Fat Guy: The portly fella is currently playing in the UIFL. “Lorenzen initially was hired to be the River Monsters’ general manager but got the itch to play again. He leads the UIFL in passing yards (256.6 yards per game) and efficiency (107.1 rating), and he is second with 69 touchdown passes.” The team hilariously has his weight listed at 290, which is more likely to be the weight of the “22″ area pictured at right. If we’re lucky, Lorenzen will soon reenact the pie-eating scene from Stand By Me. [via Hot Clicks]

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28 Responses to “Jared Lorenzen Ate Jared Lorenzen”

Rusty Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:37 AM

Congrats on eating your 25,000th Big Mac, Jared.

Butters Brickowski Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:39 AM

He leads the UIFL in passing yards (256.6 yards per game) and efficiency (107.1 rating), and he is second with 69 touchdown passes

The Vikings are interested

Breesus Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:39 AM

He’s fat. He’s happy. Good for him. If he’s happy being fat, wonderful.

/contestant on Biggest Loser 2012
//book it

SouvenirCity Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:42 AM

Man vs. Food will probably need a new host after the current one dies in a couple years. There’s a career path.

sousedbergin Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:42 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KZY5PUSLSA

/bizzaro world flutie

YYSA Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:43 AM

You’ll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox son

cleet Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:45 AM

Caption is brilliance.

If we’re lucky, Lorenzen will soon reenact the pie-eating scene from Stand By Me.

I hope when he goes into his 5-step drop the crowd chants “BOOM ba-ba BOOM ba-ba.”

arkbadger Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:47 AM

is that seriously a real picture? holy shit.

cracker jack Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:49 AM

He’s fat. He’s happy. Good for him. If he’s happy being fat, wonderful.
/contestant on Biggest Loser 2012
//book it

/Rulon Gardner

Trey Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:49 AM

The league is look for investors. I would highly suggest throwing your money behind a venture that a 330 pound quarterback could dominate.

Link

Butters Brickowski Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:51 AM

The league is look for investors. I would highly suggest throwing your money behind a venture that a 330 pound quarterback could dominate.
Link

Disappointing that the Canton Cougars mascot isn’t a 50 year old woman

KC Resident Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:53 AM

Holy shit, indeed.

Trey Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:55 AM

Video of Lorenzen postgame. You can hear him struggling to breathe. (Maybe)

Mantis Toboggan (Your comment is awaiting moderation) Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:56 AM

You’ll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox son

-”What are those?”
-”Cheetos”
-”Crunchy or puffed?”
-”Puffed”
-”Wimp”

Vladdy Wont Stop Believing Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:56 AM

Man vs. Food will probably need a new host after the current one dies in a couple years. There’s a career path.

Richman has put on a couple pounds. But I’m pretty sure he is quite health conscious. Dude works out and exercises a lot.

Trey Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:57 AM

Pretty athletic move here by Lorenzen, all 12 people in attendance seem to think so at least.

wilhelmreems Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:57 AM

all really fat players should be forced to wear single digit jersey numbers that are just a bit smaller in size than everyone else’s jersey numbers.

cracker jack Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 11:58 AM

Richman has put on a couple pounds. But I’m pretty sure he is quite health conscious. Dude works out and exercises a lot.

He really has to in order not to die

SouvenirCity Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:00 PM

Pretty athletic move here by Lorenzen, all 12 people in attendance seem to think so at least.

Are these games being played in a UPS warehouse by employees or something?

Butters Brickowski Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:00 PM

-”What are those?”
-”Cheetos”
-”Crunchy or puffed?”
-”Puffed”
-”Wimp”

“Zoltec!”

“You raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnng!”

Stupidest thing I’ve laughed at more than once

spencer096 Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:04 PM

that pic reminds me of the cacodemon from doom.

mizerle06 asks for the autoplay to be turned off Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:07 PM

holy shit! that picture is brilliant!

arkbadger Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:08 PM

Pretty athletic move here by Lorenzen, all 12 people in attendance seem to think so at least.

is Mangino his coach? no wonder he is so fat, look at the dude running out on the field after he scores, he’s huge too.

zeke81 Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:34 PM

Stop hating on the guy! He was a D-I QB with a cannon for an arm, he gets to do something he loves, and most importantly he probably hit more college co-eds than all the guys on here combined.

spencer096 Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:35 PM

Stop hating on the guy! He was a D-I QB with a cannon for an arm, he gets to do something he loves, and most importantly he probably hit more college co-eds than all the guys on here combined.

i love the hefty lefty, brah. no hate here.

coop247 Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 12:57 PM

Sounds like he’s still better than Eli.

CodenameDuchess Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 3:06 PM

Stop hating on the guy! He was a D-I QB with a cannon for an arm, he gets to do something he loves, and most importantly he probably hit more college co-eds than all the guys on here combined.

Hit a little close to home Tubby?

Obama Says:
May 18th, 2011 at 3:55 PM