Each and every week, Stephen Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in sports. We’ve been very good about putting lots of thinkable thoughts and effort into this avalanche of a feature, and every time we post, someone tells Porky Pig to shut up. As always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters. And don’t be shy, say hello to Eva Longoria’s buttocks.

1. Phil Jackson
TSH — Phil Jackson has 11 rings as a coach, two as a player, spends his down time (allegedly) smokin’ trees in Belize, and for the last handful of years has been getting the buns from his boss. Safe to say this man has had life all figured out for several decades. Legend.

CRM — Phil was always entertaining and the league won’t be quite the same without his mind games. When he comes back in a year to lead the New York Knicks to the promised land, I will be one of the people rejoicing.

2. NBA Playoffs
TSH — Delonte West and LeBron James embraced at midcourt following the series clincher on Wednesday night and in turn, brought what appears to be an end to one of the finest rumors in the history of professional sports. The only NBA rumor in the same neighborhood would have to be the infamous Tom Chambers/Phoenix Gorilla controversy of 1992.

CRM — I’m so sad that this rumor has been proven untrue by their embrace. I loved that story more than anything this side of pepperoni pizza and a case of Keystone.

3. Robert “Tractor” Traylor, RIP

TSH — Sad story, so here’s a fun clip of Tractor Traylor shattering a backboard. Those were the days. The best you’ll get now is a player taking down the whole damn thing.

CRM — There will always be a spot in my heart for Tractor Traylor and Luis Bullock.

4. Grantland.com
TSH — The new site being put together by Bill Simmons took some massive body blows this week from someone who is in no way bitter about anything. Right here is where all of you edgy hipsters explain that while you no longer read Simmons, you did enjoy the column he wrote about his dog.

CRM — There is nothing that Grantland.com ( Page 2 and a Half ) can do that would be as bad as publishing the words of Rob Freaking Kardashian.

5. The NHL?
TSH — Well the playoffs are taking place so I supposed this qualifies as a “buzzing” sports topic. While you people discuss puck slapping, would one of you be kind enough to throw an octopus on my head?

CRM — Last night was another letdown as the Red Wings came back from a 3-0 deficit and couldn’t win Game 7. I want to see some history dammit. 

Honorable Mention
 ESPN hits rock bottom … Miley Cyrus in a bikini … a fucking hat!

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Query of the Week
Joakim Noah dancing or Joakim Noah making fun of LeBron dancing?

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki
TSH — Snooki looks, um … different. Unchanged, however, is the stench of her burning tire Beef Curtains.

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Bring Some Weed I Gotta Story to Tell