Maxim released it’s Hot 100 list. As usual, it’s your basic combination of really beautiful models, actresses and famous people alongside people who are prevalent to today’s pop culture landscape who don’t belong anywhere near most of these women. It’s the later group that leaves me shaking my head and wondering who paid what for these rankings.

I’ll start with the women who are related to sports, as this is a sports blog every now and then. Former tennis player and current tennis outfit model, Anna Kournikova is #19, UFC octagon girl and Playboy cover lady Arianny Celeste is #70, former UFC octagon girl Rachelle Leah is #85 and ESPN sideline personality-slash-professional spokeswoman, Erin Andrews is #91. There, now let’s make fun of some girls who have no one but their publicists and a couple Maxim editors to blame.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is #1 because, “Hey, who should be number 1? Aw, who cares, just draw a Victoria’s Secret model out of the hat.”

Olivia Munn checked in at #2 because she was the first to scream “I WATCHED STAR WARS OMG I AM SUPER DORK!” Better luck next year, #41 Jaimie Alexander.

Cameron Diaz is #4 because parts of this list have been imported from a 1998 list ranking the most attractive  female co-star in There’s Something About Mary.

Taylor Swift is #20 because an editor has an awkward 13-year-old nephew for whom he forgot to buy a birthday present a few days before the list was finalized.

Kate Middleton is #26 because she’s a princess! That’s fine. She’s a beautiful girl, but she’s last week’s news. Pippa is the big name Middleton these days.

Kim Kardashian is #35, but only when she’s standing next to Khloe and Lamar.

Alison Brie is #49  because these people are idiots and don’t know how to make a proper list.

Minka Kelly is #52 because they only shot her in boots.

Vanessa Hudgens is #54 because someone needed to replace the waif-y Olsen twin.

Christina Hendricks is #56 because… Oh, you can say it.

Miley Cyrus is #64, lest you think you’re the most perverse person on the planet with horrible eyesight, the Maxim editors are here to make you feel better about yourself.

Nicki Manaj is #75 because Maxim likes a comically large ass.

Anna Chapman is #77 because hey remember that spy thing? TOPICAL!

JWoww is #78 because Jersey Shore is still popular, right?

Danica Keller is #80 because she was cute in the 80′s and she’s still willing to pose in a bra!

[Vid via FilmDrunk, images via Getty]