Brewers 9, Phillies 0 — If you saw highlights of this game on MLB Network, you were treated to words that went something like, “only the great Roy Halladay can walk off the mound to a standing ovation when losing 6-0.” Has Halladay really reached that rare level in baseball where we’re going to kiss his ass regardless of his performance? Sure, it’s nice to see the home crowd show unwavering support, but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend he just finished filming The Godfather when he’s walking off the set of Righteous Kill. Doc served up 10 hits that led to six runs. He pitched like crap. These things happen.

Marlins 6, Pirates 0 — Josh Johnson has been poetic in four starts, making his numbers uninviting in the eyes of anyone holding a bat: 27 IP, 10 H, 3 ER, 6 BB, 27 K, and a WHIP of 0.65. The man is filthier than Don Gorske’s colon.

Rays 2, White Sox 1 — James Shields pitched a complete game allowing one run and striking out nine. But it wasn’t all about baseball, as Joe Maddon and his boys showed up to the ballpark wearing Lightning caps and t-shirts. As usual, Maddon gets it, glasses not withstanding.

Blue Jays 6, Yankees 5, 10 innings — Mariano did his best Ryan Franklin impersonation, serving up four hits and two runs. When that happens, “thaaaaaaaaa” Yankees lose.

D-Backs 5, Reds 4 — Let’s go… seats? Ryan Roberts hit two home runs, which were two balls that likely never found a home. *sad face*

Mariners 13, Tigers 3 — We can finally put a ‘W’ on the board for Fister. Ichiro went 4-for-5. He’s gunning for his 11th straight season of 200-plus hits.

Braves 10, Dodgers 1 — It’s not often you see a 2-1 game in the ninth inning turn into a nine-run blowout win, but that’s exactly what happened here. I actually caught most of the onslaught. Even when witnessing a team become completely unhinged, Vin Scully makes it incredibly enjoyable. Wish I heard him call games on a regular basis.

Orioles 11, Twins 0 — Carl Pavano got bombed. He’s had two tremendous starts and two starts where the opposition has turned that ‘sumbitch sideways. Last night would be a prime example of the latter.

Astros 6, Mets 1 — The Mets emailed out the wrong lineup card before last night’s game. Was there ever any doubt Wandy Rodriguez would pitch seven innings of one-run ball? No, there wasn’t. Additionally, pictured at right is the opening paragraph to an actual article about the New York Mets. They have a tendency to make people feel overwhelmed with joy.

The following video has become a staple of Yardwork, and on a morning like today, I can’t think of a more appropriate piece of footage that so closely applies to the performance of both the Yankees and Knicks last night:

[Top two photos via Getty]