Pirates 9, Reds 3 — As I’m sure you’re well aware, Reds reliever Aroldis Chapman reached 106 mph on the radar gun last night. Despite the blistering speed, you must keep it in perspective and remember he’s still a healthy 62 mph behind former Mets phenom, Sidd Finch, but even being mentioned in the same sentence as the eccentric 1985 prospect should be considered a lofty honor. Chapman had been given the last three games off due to a tender elbow, so my suggestion to Reds fans would be to taper your excitement, as his arm may very well take a ride with the baseball into the catcher’s mitt when he hits 111 mph next week. Fittingly, Chapman’s fastball stole the story from the Pirates emotional crawl back to .500.

Giants 8, Rockies 1 — Timmy took a no-no into the seventh inning against the hot Rockies until it was fitting broken up Carlos Gonzalez, who hit a freshly showered single. You just knew it would be either him or Tulowitzki. Horrible outfielder Pat Burrell surprisingly understands his place and asked to be taken out of the game so as not to ruin perfection. Check it out: “I went in and talked to Bochy and said, ‘Listen, I’d hate to be the guy that doesn’t get to a ball that somebody else might catch.” Well done, Patty. He was replaced by Darren Ford.

Tigers 8, Mariners 3 — Since it appears no one gave a shit about this game, neither shall I.

Brewers 6, Phillies 3, 12 innings — Living legend Pete Orr tied things up with a single in the bottom of the ninth, but the Brewers got three in the top of the 12th off of two sac flies and a Jonathan Lucroy RBI single. Lost in all of this will be Joe Blanton, who allowed two runs over seven innings in easily his best start of the young season.

Red Sox 9, Blue Jays 1 — Winners of three straight means the Red Sox officially have a winning streak. The stunner from this one is obviously Dice-K and his one-hitter over seven innings that included just one walk. I had to look at stat lines on three different sites to confirm those thought-to-be-extinct numbers were accurate.

Twins 5, Orioles 3 — The Orioles have lost eight straight after disgracefully showering their fans with unrealistic hope following a 6-1 start to the season. How anyone could sign Kevin Gregg to a contract and not be on a signature Mickey Rourke bender is beyond me. He’s a pitiful option out of the bullpen under any and all circumstances.

Indians 7, Royals 3, 10 innings — This game was described on the MLB Network as an “early heavyweight battle out in the Midwest.” It’s officially bizarro April in the baseball world. Grady Sizemore went 3-for-5, but Indians fans need not worry, it won’t feel hopeful for long. I’m sure an 0-for-40 is right around the corner.

Rays 5, White Sox 0 — David Price, eight shutout innings and nine strikeouts. Boom.

I’m not sure which game this is, but this dog intently watching baseball last night at Minute Maid Park this past Sunday is freaking awesome:

One year later, the following commercial continues to mercilessly play on the MLB Network. It must stop:

[Top photo via Getty]