Barry Zito’s Mustache
1-liner, All, Baseball, Facial Hair April 4th. 2011, 1:05pm
Barry Zito’s Pornstache: It’s amazing what a mustache can do to a person’s overall look. Barry Zito has gone from guitar strumming hippie to part-time trucker and full-time adult entertainer. The question is, how does it stack up to John Paxson’s infamous mustache? It’s not quite as pronounced as State Trooper Giambi’s, but give it some time. No matter what he does, it will be difficult to top Greg Maddux’s ‘stache from 1987, which he presumably grew for a Charles Bronson related project. [via @mcarbone782]
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April 4th, 2011 at 1:07 PM
It appears that the rest of his body is shrinking as his mustache grows.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:08 PM
he looks like a 12 year old with a fake mustache.
also sorta looks like mark ruffalo.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:09 PM
Pavstache > Zitostache
April 4th, 2011 at 1:10 PM
It will look even better on the bench.
/give Bumgarner the ball.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:10 PM
that’s a pretty good mustache, honestly. He needs to go ahead and let it turn the corner just a bit.
I can get a thick dark nasty beard, but I grow a menopausal woman’s mustache.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:11 PM
Lanny McDonald > all
April 4th, 2011 at 1:11 PM
Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they’re stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:12 PM
Lanny McDonald > all
When you look like that, your name better be Larry. Nothing else really fits.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:13 PM
I still have this card buried somewhere at my parents’ house. One of my all-time faves.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:14 PM
Geez just complimented a guy who played for the Leafs and the Flames? I think the end is near.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:14 PM
he’s still guitar strumming hippie…he looks like he’s in blue oyster cult or boston or some shit.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:15 PM
Okay, just ask yourself: What do women really want? You take these bored housewives, married to the same guy for years, they’re stuck in a rut, then need some release! Promise of adventure, a hint of danger. I create that for them.
Aww, but she could be so hot if she wanted to. She’s like all these babes, you get their pilot lit, they could suck start a leafblower. And she’s got the most incredible body too and a pair of titties that make you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk. Ass like a ten year old boy! AHAHAHAHA!
/what a great movie.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:15 PM
+1 on True Lies quote
April 4th, 2011 at 1:16 PM
Geez just complimented a guy who played for the Leafs and the Flames? I think the end is near.
I only like him from his time with the Colorado Rockies.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:16 PM
hell yes! loved true lies.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:16 PM
The fact that Lanny is an actual name outside of Leaping Lanny Poffo is pretty amazing.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:17 PM
So sad. I got to see him up close and take his picture circa 2003 and he was SO dreamy.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:17 PM
True Lies=Tom Arnold’s best work.
“I got home one day and she had emptied out the entire house. She even took the ice cube trays out of the freezer! What kind of bitch takes the ice cube trays out of the freezer?!”
/or something like that.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:18 PM
I wish I could grow a stache. Damn you babyface!
/raises fist in the air
April 4th, 2011 at 1:18 PM
I still remember the days when Barry Zito was a good pitcher with good looks. Sadly those days are long gone.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:18 PM
Bill Paxton has more wins on his IMDB page than one would suspect…all done with the exact same line-reading monotone, an inspiration to be sure
April 4th, 2011 at 1:18 PM
easy there…mchale’s navy is an underrated gem.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:19 PM
“Give me the god damn page!”
April 4th, 2011 at 1:19 PM
CJ’s the best!
April 4th, 2011 at 1:19 PM
I can’t turn off True Lies when it’s on. Just can’t. Awesome movie from beginning to end.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:19 PM
#1 – Twister
April 4th, 2011 at 1:21 PM
True Lies is very underrated. Great performances all around. That “What are we talking about here? Pussy right?” line makes me lol every time.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:21 PM
I was kind of creepy though. He was standing at the edge of the bullpen talking to some people and signing balls and I just take a picture without warning. He kind of gave me a look. I didnt care.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:22 PM
I like that True Lies existed in a time before we had to be self-conscious about having generic Arab terrorists be the villains in movies…I also liked a young Eliza Dushku (we were the same age at the time, leave me alone)
April 4th, 2011 at 1:22 PM
For god sakes, would you cover yourself?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:22 PM
True Lies is Cameron’s best movie.
/drops grenade
April 4th, 2011 at 1:22 PM
Game over man, it’s game over. What the fuck are we gonna do now?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:22 PM
Paxton’s two best roles – The Terminator and Near Dark.
“Wash day tomorrow. Nothing clean, right?”
/Dies
April 4th, 2011 at 1:23 PM
Back to the Future foretold the Libyan crisis.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:24 PM
Wasn’t there some vague references to a potential True Lies sequel last week?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:24 PM
Timothy Olyphant and Bill Paxton could be related.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:24 PM
and the terminator and aliens are his best Films.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:25 PM
If I ever meet Phillip Seymour Hoffman I’m telling this is my favorite movie of his
+1 box of pinball machine parts
April 4th, 2011 at 1:25 PM
+1 on True Lies quote
how many times have you told somebody something was a water heater? I think I’m nearing a million.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:26 PM
im partial to the abyss.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:27 PM
Gotta disagree. Terminator 2 will always be my favorite. Terminator 2 is the shit. I love Alien and Aliens but T2 can never be topped.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:27 PM
at least i’m not the only one who wants to throw big name actors off their games by saying their most obscure role was my favorite.
/can’t wait to run into denis leary and tell him two if by sea was the best movie i’ve ever seen.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:27 PM
im partial to the abyss.
That movie employed my favorite ending style. Abrupt and without closure.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:28 PM
is that on blue ray yet?
oddly enough, that would be an amazing film in 3d.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:28 PM
That movie is awesome except for the last 30 minutes. It could have been so amazing but he had to ruin it with that cheesy alien crap.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:28 PM
Needs more Coconut Pete
April 4th, 2011 at 1:29 PM
It’s a fun game to play, especially knowing that my telling Russell Crowe how much I loved Mystery, Alaska could actually move him to throw a punch…would be a fun story to be able to tell once I regained consciousness
April 4th, 2011 at 1:29 PM
I gotta go with the original Terminator. Some of the effects have aged badly (namely the eyeball removal), but it’s a badass chase movie and I think, per minute, contains the least amount of dialogue of any of his films. And it has Lance Henrickson and Michael Biehn. That earns it all kinds of bonuses right there.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:29 PM
I met Philip Seymour Hoffman once, very briefly. He said, “Hi, Phil” and I said “Hi Phil.” That was pretty much it. He was pretty unassuming.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:29 PM
If you told me I had to watch one, it would definitely be True Lies. The horse/motorcycle chase is just all types of awesome.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:30 PM
I’d make it a point to let Sly Stallone know how much I enjoyed The Party at Kitty & Stud’s.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:31 PM
seriously…it was almost as if they got to this point and had no idea how to close it, dropped a bunch of acid and went with the alien thing.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:31 PM
that was the first rater R movie i saw at the tender age of 10. always holds a special place in my heart.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:31 PM
I won’t argue you with, except Alien was directed by Ridley Scott. Cameron only did Aliens. I think True Lies has the best mix of action (the FA-18 was badass) and comedy, but T2 is pretty fucking awesome.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:31 PM
but Mystery, Alaska is a good movie!
April 4th, 2011 at 1:33 PM
Best movie to ever feature a Little Richard cameo, I’ll give it that
April 4th, 2011 at 1:33 PM
but Mystery, Alaska is a good movie!
False.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Haha.
Hey! Don Cheadle! Loved you in Meteor Man!
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
And it has Lance Henrickson and Michael Biehn. That earns it all kinds of bonuses right there.
I love Lance Henrikson. I even sat through animated Tarzan because he did a voice. He’s been in some bad movies though.
It’s also weird when he gets to be a good guy, like in that Ray Liotta escape from prison island movie.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
ooo…sorry, that has to be last action hero.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Don’t get me wrong, I love True Lies. And my bad about the Alien thing.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Mystery, Alaska is Gladiator on skates.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:34 PM
even when he plays a good guy, he’s still kind of a bad guy…like in alien vs. predator.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:35 PM
Fuck you, dude.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:36 PM
Another amazing movie. I remember liking Jack Slaters daughter
April 4th, 2011 at 1:36 PM
His turn as the bad guy Chains in Stone Cold is one of his best. That and Near Dark. Near Dark is just all kinds of awesome, despite the copout and unrealistic ending which, thankfully, no other vampire movies I can think of have tried to emulate.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:36 PM
Apparently Jeff Daniels doesn’t take too kindly when you tell him Harry Dunne is his finest role.
As for Cameron, I’ll get killed for this but I enjoyed Avatar. Tried my hardest not to see it and then it was on HBO constantly and gave in. Ripoff of Fern Gully aside…Pandora was pretty freaking cool.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:37 PM
I liked Mystery, Alaska.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:37 PM
Here’s a happy dog story from Japan
/goes back to eating lunch
//team True Lies
April 4th, 2011 at 1:37 PM
she’ll always be veronica vaughan to me.
eh…who am i kidding, she’ll always be pete sampras’ wife.
/what’s her real name again?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:37 PM
seriously…it was almost as if they got to this point and had no idea how to close it, dropped a bunch of acid and went with the alien thing.
that movie famously (and publicly) ran out of money and I think the studio wanted a bunch of things fixed. But there was no excuse for the end of that stupid movie. Or for drowning an actual rat.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:38 PM
I am so happy you said this, because I really didn’t have the balls to admit that I thought absolutely this when I watched it.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:38 PM
yeah, but there was nothing good in AVP anyway.
it’s not an original story, but it’s told damn well which is why i enjoyed it.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:38 PM
Fuck you, dude.
It’s subjective, I know, but it’s not a good movie. An amateur team would only lose to the Rangers by a couple goals? Please.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:39 PM
Dogs > tsunamis. There is no debating this.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:39 PM
Avatar was over-hyped and could never live up to its expectations. That being said it’s not horrible. It’s about 45 minutes too long and naming the precious ore “Unobtanium” was really fucking stupid, but it’s not the worst movie ever.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:39 PM
Jesus Stuart Scott is tweeting about his chemo treatments
April 4th, 2011 at 1:39 PM
This reminds me of the time when Chris Moltisanti told Scorsese that he liked Kundan.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:39 PM
But they could skate like the wind!
April 4th, 2011 at 1:40 PM
Law & Order, the SUV.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:40 PM
they should’ve fixed mary mastrantonio’s regrettable perm coiffe.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:41 PM
This low gravity’ll make you soft. And when you get soft, Pandora will eat you and shit you out dead with zero warning
April 4th, 2011 at 1:41 PM
Yeah. It’s very sad, but I’m hooked to it. Rooting for the guy.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:41 PM
Stuart Scott has cancer?
/seriously’d
April 4th, 2011 at 1:41 PM
His turn as the bad guy Chains in Stone Cold is one of his best.
I’ve seen that movie all the way through at least 5 times. That’s an awesome movie, and I’d say for sure the one that sold me on Lance Henriksen.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:41 PM
Awesome.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:42 PM
i think yall are missing the point of avatar…the story could’ve been about pip farting on a snare drum, it was all about the 3d.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:42 PM
they should’ve fixed mary mastrantonio’s regrettable perm coiffe.
they should have showed her naked before the showed her naked and dead. To paraphrase The Moleman, that really threw off my stroke.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:42 PM
Rocky IV.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:44 PM
I also liked a young Eliza Dushku (we were the same age at the time, leave me alone)
Wouldn’t you both be the same age now too?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:44 PM
+1 Airhead Taffy.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:44 PM
Do I not know this either because I don’t watch ESPN?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:44 PM
Yeah I did not know… he’s certainly got the right ‘tude: “I’m puttin cancer in an MMA rear naked choke hold”
April 4th, 2011 at 1:45 PM
Like in Red Heat where they show a young Gina Gershon naked, except it’s in the see-through plastic of a bodybag.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:45 PM
not if he was an SAT question.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:46 PM
What an insult to James Brown.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Nah…the concept of going from a real world into a fantasy one is usually a winner. I mean that was half the appeal of Last Action Hero, right?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Like in Red Heat where they show a young Gina Gershon naked, except it’s in the see-through plastic of a bodybag.
Or L.A. Confidential when Amber Smith was shown naked and dead during the body ID scene?
/am I doing that right?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:47 PM
Wow, talk about embarassing.
I’ll go back into hiding.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:48 PM
I found out because Hannah Storm (I think) was covering for him on the NBA Wed Nights when they did NBA coverage. He was out for a lil bit getting treatment and stuff.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:49 PM
i thought the appeal of last action hero was that it was supposed to be a spoof but arnold is just too fucking awesome so they didn’t go all out.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:49 PM
Like in Red Heat where they show a young Gina Gershon naked, except it’s in the see-through plastic of a bodybag.
Or in Body Double, when they show a naked dancing through a peeping Tom’s telescope, and yadda, yadda, yadda, then she gets murdered. That was an awkward moment between me and my wang.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:50 PM
Or L.A. Confidential when Amber Smith was shown naked and dead during the body ID scene?
/am I doing that right?
how about when they kill that stripper/hooker in Very Bad Things. I really did not see that coming.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:52 PM
Try watching ‘Alone with Her’.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:53 PM
I was like, “Why is that guy from Cupid impaling that stripper?”
April 4th, 2011 at 1:53 PM
Try watching ‘Alone with Her’.
I haven’t seen that one, but I’ve seen Boxing Helena. I was flipping channels the other day, and some awful, awful movie just out of the blue got all rapey.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:55 PM
I haven’t seen that one, but I’ve seen Boxing Helena. I was flipping channels the other day, and some awful, awful movie just out of the blue got all rapey.
Ah yes, Sherilyn Fenn’s attempt at serious drama. She’ll always be Audrey Horne from Twin Peaks to me.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:57 PM
Imagine if Kim Basinger had actually been forced to star in that sucker. And Fenn wasn’t even generous with the boobies.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:57 PM
Ah yes, Sherilyn Fenn’s attempt at serious drama. She’ll always be Audrey Horne from Twin Peaks to me.
nah, she’ll always be the chick who wanted to get down with the girl in Just One of the Guys. I’m pretty sure she was in Red Rock West, too, which I think was David Lynch.
April 4th, 2011 at 1:59 PM
I’m pretty sure she was in Red Rock West, too, which I think was David Lynch.
I thought that was Lara Flynn Boyle?
April 4th, 2011 at 1:59 PM
sorry, Wild at Heart. Red Rock West was even worse.
April 4th, 2011 at 2:00 PM
I thought that was Lara Flynn Boyle?.
yeah, I’m wrong. Both with Nick Cage, but Red Rock West is not David Lynch, but does have Dennis Hopper and Lara Flynn Boyle, before she got so skinny.
April 4th, 2011 at 2:01 PM
yeah, I’m wrong. Both with Nick Cage, but Red Rock West is not David Lynch, but does have Dennis Hopper and Lara Flynn Boyle, before she got so skinny.
Thought so. But in your defense young Lara Flynn Boyle and young Sherilyn Fenn do look surprisingly similar.
April 4th, 2011 at 2:09 PM
sherilyn fenn has ridiculous eyebrows though. My defense is that awful Nick Cage movies all run together in my head.