Meet Jeff Motuzas, the Human Garbage Can

1-liner, All, Baseball, Sick and Twisted Individuals Jason McIntyre March 25th. 2011, 3:20pm

Jeff Motuzas, Human Garbage Can: Jeff Motuzas is the longtime bullpen catcher of the Arizona Diamondbacks. He’ll eat anything. “Someone pulled something out of their nose and he ate it for $400.” I’d vomit (which, reportedly, he’d actually eat). The job of bullpen catcher pays about $60k, so Motuzas, not unlike a stripper, does “sidework” for extra cash. “He has snorted wasabi and eaten horseradish by the bowlful. He has devoured a dozen donuts and guzzled 13 bottles of water.” This concoction sounds particularly enticing: “chewing tobacco dip spit and 3-day-old chili.” Eleven bananas in four minutes. Drinking a gallon of milk in 12 minutes was worth $3k. Livan Hernandez would punch Motuzas in the groin for $50 a pop (there were $300 bonuses). Yes, rubber nunchucks made this delightful story. [WSJ]

aroundtheweb

68 Responses to “Meet Jeff Motuzas, the Human Garbage Can”

1
Jim Harbaugh Scramble Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:23 PM
A man who’s been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
2
HawkEye Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:25 PM
snorting wasabi? I’m tearing up and shuddering just thinking about it
3
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:25 PM
Fucking white people…
4
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:26 PM
Jeff Motuzas, Human Garbage Can: Jeff Motuzas is the longtime bullpen catcher of the Arizona Diamondbacks. He’ll eat anything. “Someone pulled something out of their nose and he ate it for $400.”
Dude has been a human backstop for decades….I would expect nothing less.
5
Geeezeus Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:27 PM
My buddy had to eat a spoonful of arm hair (not his own) after losing a card game.
6
arkbadger Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:27 PM
that’s awesome. the only couple of things I think I could even come close to doing is drinking the bottles of water or the gallon of milk.
11 banana’s in 4 minutes is fucking insane. I remember a wrestler buddy of mine in HS ate 4 of them right before a match and puked everywhere.
7
ButtersBC Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:28 PM
Bet it started off as a “$50 says the Motuzas kid picks his nose” joke
8
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:29 PM
snorting wasabi? I’m tearing up and shuddering just thinking about it
Saw Steve-O do this on Jackass. Don’t know if I’d prefer this or the Tequila stuntman. And you would think this Motuzas guy was touring with Ozzy and Motley Crue in the 80′s. Say what you want, but I would like to party with this brah.
9
TheRealAC Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:30 PM
chewing tobacco
don’t mind if i do.
10
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:34 PM
“chewing tobacco dip spit and 3-day-old chili.”
If this was from Spencer’s Grape Skoal Bandits, I bet he’d pass.
11
Triston27 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:36 PM
A man who’s been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke.
In the bullpen his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Motuzas was the best.
12
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:36 PM
i missed a bears playoff game for some pussy..it was the one they lost against the panthers so i ended up not feeling bad at all
13
ButtersBC Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:39 PM
In the bullpen his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Motuzas was the best.
It wasn’t my bullpen session! Nobody asked me! And I come back to the world to see all those maggots in the Yankee Stadium bleachers protesting me, spitting at me
14
Menarky Party Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:39 PM
i ate a tub of butter for 100 bucks at my football team dinner. the result was 100 bucks and the fastest turd in human history.
15
TheBigLead Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:39 PM
if memory serves, there is some kind of limit a body can handle … and it’s some sort of physical impossibility to finish a gallon of milk in a certain amount of time.
or that’s how i remember it from college.
anyone?
16
Mantis Toboggan (Your comment is awaiting moderation) Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:40 PM
snorting wasabi? I’m tearing up and shuddering just thinking about it
Snorting Quaker Steak’s atomic wing sauce > snorting wasabi
/From my experience
17
Rusty Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:40 PM
TBL: Who would you fire, if only given one choice: Tressel or Brian Kelly?
18
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:40 PM
I would have been more impressed if he put icy/hot on his lower back for an entire game. I put icy/hot on my lower back in basic training not know what i was getting into because my back was a little stiff. that was some pain.
19
Gerard Portmanteau Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:41 PM
Old buddy from restaurant industry days would do this–shot glasses of Tabasco, drinking standing water that had collected in garbage cans, etc. Clearly, he should have been charging instead of just accepting free pints.
20
captain_spalding Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:42 PM
spoonful of cinnamon?
21
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:42 PM
Tressel or Brian Kelly?
stoops
22
Menarky Party Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:42 PM
would have been more impressed if he put icy/hot on his lower back for an entire game. I put icy/hot on my lower back in basic training not know what i was getting into because my back was a little stiff. that was some pain.
we had to put daves insanity sauce on our nuts when we were pledging. painful.
23
phillymantis915 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:42 PM
I definitely did the milk challenge in college. Drank about 6 16-oz cups in the span of ten minutes. Needless to say, never drink beer or rum&coke afterwards.
24
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:43 PM
if memory serves, there is some kind of limit a body can handle … and it’s some sort of physical impossibility to finish a gallon of milk in a certain amount of time.
or that’s how i remember it from college.
anyone?
The amount of time is generally quoted as an hour. But just go to the fridge and pour yourself four glasses of milk and drink them all quickly in a row. Then see how your stomach feels. That’ll give you an idea of why it’s impossible to do a gallon of it over a short period of time.
Also it is possible to drink too much water. Too much can ruin the sodium balance in your body and cause your brain to shut down (or something like that, I’m not a doctor). When I was a freshman in college, a fraternity was suspended for hazing it’s pledges by forcing them to drink gallons of water in an hour. One of them passed out and went into a coma in which he suffered permanent brain damage.
25
SouvenirCity Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:43 PM
I’ve snorted salt before… not pleasant.
26
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:44 PM
Snorted a line of table salt when I was 12. It hurt way more than the line of Fun Dip. I won 50 Swedish Fish, so it was totally worth it.
27
ButtersBC Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:44 PM
When I was a freshman in college, a fraternity was suspended for hazing it’s pledges by forcing them to drink gallons of water in an hour. One of them passed out and went into a coma in which he suffered permanent brain damage.
You know what was fun in college? Making friends without having to pay a cover charge or do this shit
28
SouvenirCity Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:45 PM
They need to have this guy do the cinnamon challenge.
29
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:45 PM
So…the abnormal leg hair growth does not seem to be tied to snorting salt. Height might partially be attributable, however.
30
Mantis Toboggan (Your comment is awaiting moderation) Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:45 PM
Nothing beats a good old fashioned case race, or a bottle of rum race if the mood strikes you.
31
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:45 PM
You know what was fun in college? Making friends without having to pay a cover charge or do this shit
So you weren’t picked up in rush?
/butters seems like he’s in a fightin mood today.
32
Triston27 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:46 PM
It wasn’t my bullpen session! Nobody asked me! And I come back to the world to see all those maggots in the Yankee Stadium bleachers protesting me, spitting at me
There wouldn’t be no trouble except for that king-shit pitcher! All I wanted was something to eat. But the man kept pushing.
33
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:46 PM
I bet this guy couldn’t eat a whole a whole onion. On a slow night 2 years ago, I told this guy i would buy him drinks for the next month if he finished eating a whole onion in 2 hours. He did not accomplish this feat and was pissing out of his ass for the next 3 days. Moral of the story, It is impossible to eat a whole onion in one setting. Do not attempt this at home kids.
34
cracker jack Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:47 PM
Oops, didnt see this thread here.
Breaking: The new Madden cover has been revealed!
35
phillymantis915 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:47 PM
Nothing beats a good old fashioned case race, or a bottle of rum race if the mood strikes you.
My buddy and I killed 3/4 handle of Captain one Thursday night. It was glorious.
I went to a college with no frats, so no stupid rush. Just lots of bars.
36
arkbadger Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:48 PM
They need to have this guy do the cinnamon challenge.
classic Tosh, that shit was funny.
37
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:49 PM
My buddy and I killed 3/4 handle of Captain one Thursday night. It was glorious.
I once drank an entire bottle of Southern Comfort 100 proof by myself. I’m glad I grew out of doing stupid things like that.
38
Menarky Party Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:50 PM
You know what was fun in college? Making friends without having to pay a cover charge or do this shit
you know what else was fun in college? being in a fraternity.
39
Menarky Party Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:50 PM
They need to have this guy do the cinnamon challenge.
what is the cinnamon challenge?
40
phillymantis915 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:51 PM
I once drank an entire bottle of Southern Comfort 100 proof by myself. I’m glad I grew out of doing stupid things like that.
That’s just retarded.
41
wilhelmreems Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:51 PM
My buddy and I killed 3/4 handle of Captain one Thursday night. It was glorious.
i did that one tuesday night, freshman year. good times, indeed. i remember being able to hold my liquor.
42
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:51 PM
I once drank an entire bottle of Southern Comfort 100 proof by myself. I’m glad I grew out of doing stupid things like that.
Drank a fifth of Cutty Sark when I was 20. I couldn’t even smell a brown liquor for many years without getting the mouth sweats.
43
Jim Harbaugh Scramble Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:52 PM
In the bullpen his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Motuzas was the best.
nice work. +1 and +3 sequels.
44
Mantis Toboggan (Your comment is awaiting moderation) Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:52 PM
My buddy and I killed 3/4 handle of Captain one Thursday night. It was glorious
I killed almost 3 handles of vodka during my senior trip, but that was when I had a legitimate liqour problem. I just stick to beer for the most part.
45
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:52 PM
I was this guy to take one little drop of this.
It has made grown men cry like children.
46
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:52 PM
That’s just retarded.
I agree. One of the dumber things I’ve ever done.
47
Vladdy Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:53 PM
At least he’s not eating metal like that one guy.
48
mrejr8234 comes for the sports posts but stays to kill the local inhabitants Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:53 PM
I smoked so much weed one time i went blind…or blacked out..when i was in 7th grade…3 foot bongs can fuck your shit up
49
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:53 PM
One of the grossest things I’ve ever consumed, and this includes a Balut egg, was during a pub crawl in Leeds, UK with my brother and he bet me I wouldn’t do a Car Bomb of sorts: Cuervo Gold dropped into a half-pint of Guinness. There are few worse things as it turns out.
50
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:54 PM
Drank a fifth of Cutty Sark when I was 20. I couldn’t even smell a brown liquor for many years without getting the mouth sweats.
Southern Comfort nearly ruined Coke for me. To this day I despise overly sweet drinks/cocktails.
51
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:54 PM
I’m fucking stupid. Can’t even type today.
52
spencer096 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:54 PM
In the bullpen his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Motuzas was the best.
im not proud that it took me more than a split second to remember what movie this was from.
53
PL StabbinKabin Is Crucial Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:55 PM
That’s just retarded.
I agree. One of the dumber things I’ve ever done.
I actually thought it sounded like a good time….at least for a little while.
54
wilhelmreems Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:56 PM
I killed almost 3 handles of vodka during my senior trip, but that was when I had a legitimate liqour problem.
there was one guy who bought himself a bottle of tequila, cheap stuff, and decided to have himself a little party in the room next to me. 30 minutes later he goes running past our dorm room, into the bathroom and projectile vomits all over one stall. it got everywhere, and he had chocolate to eat, too. i’m glad i wasn’t there when the cleaning lady showed up.
55
phillymantis915 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:56 PM
I agree. One of the dumber things I’ve ever done.
Yeah we also came up with a drink frosh year that was:
2 shots 100 proof vodka
2 shoots Captain
1 shot banana liquer
1 shot peach schnapps
OJ
I drank two of those and ended up passing out in the middle of the football field in December with a t-shirt on.
56
Menarky Party Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:56 PM
a few buddies and i finished a fifth of green dragon tee one night- finely chopped weed in a fifth of vodka thats been sitting on the windowsill for a month. suck. me. sideways.
57
Triston27 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:57 PM
im not proud that it took me more than a split second to remember what movie this was from.
I’m glad you at least caught on. And thanks to JHS for starting it.
58
SouvenirCity Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:58 PM
Cinnamon Challenge.
59
Triston27 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:58 PM
Drank a fifth of Cutty Sark when I was 20. I couldn’t even smell a brown liquor for many years without getting the mouth sweats.
I once drank two bottles.
/one-ups Rex
//nods at Happy
60
spencer096 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:58 PM
I’m glad you at least caught on. And thanks to JHS for starting it.
back there i could fly a gunship, i could drive a tank, i was in charge of million dollar equipment, back here i cant even hold a job parking cars!
61
Vladdy Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:59 PM
Bunch of amateurs.
62
RexKramerDangerSeeker Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 3:59 PM
/one-ups Rex
I once made out with a dude to watch two girls smooch.
/Coop
63
Mantis Toboggan (Your comment is awaiting moderation) Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:00 PM
Thinking about my days when I was 18-20 (which is not long ago), I’m shocked I’m still alive. I was a bad boy.
64
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:02 PM
I actually thought it sounded like a good time….at least for a little while.
It was a fun night and surprisingly I was not terribly hungover the next day because I took about 5 advil and then passed out. I’m just lucky that I didn’t vomit in my sleep or destroy my liver.
65
phillymantis915 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:03 PM
Thinking about my days when I was 18-20 (which is not long ago), I’m shocked I’m still alive. I was a bad boy.
I’m 28, so that’s 8-10 years for me. I did some dumb shit back then, but would relive it any day.
66
TheRealAC Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:06 PM
You know what was fun in college? Making friends without having to pay a cover charge or do this shit
you know what else was fun in college? being in a fraternity.
only the fags joined frats at my college. and no i did not join a frat.
67
ms621 Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:23 PM
only the fags joined frats at my college.
Did you attend beauty college?
68
arkbadger Says:
March 25th, 2011 at 4:23 PM
a few buddies and i finished a fifth of green dragon tee one night- finely chopped weed in a fifth of vodka thats been sitting on the windowsill for a month. suck. me. sideways.
damn dude.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Meet Jeff Motuzas, the Human Garbage Can

68 Responses to “Meet Jeff Motuzas, the Human Garbage Can”

Leave a Reply