David Beckham is Earth’s most manicured athlete. Every hairstyle and article of clothing reflects his brand identity. Every spontaneous action that slips through, picking up a green and gold scarf, is diluted and rationalized. One of his few areas of autonomy is over his tattoos – easily sanitized by a suit, of course – and his recent addition shows why the rest of his life is so comprehensively handled.

Beckham’s latest tattoo, revealed on his Facebook page, is a Calvary scene, three of God’s cherubs lifting Jesus’ dead body to heaven. It’s an interesting choice, considering Beckham is not religious. He’s not even Christian. He’s instead using God’s son as a metaphor, for himself.

“Obviously, the cherubs are boys, so my thought of it is, you know, at some point my boys are going to need to look after me, and that’s what they’re doing in the picture.”

Obviously.

Some will read motives into the blasphemy, but it wasn’t a conscious self-reflection. He’s not Kanye. He had no secondary or tertiary level of thought. Beckham just had an incredibly literal idea and executed it. It wasn’t sinister. It was just stupid, and that’s a good thing.

Beckham, at his core, is a half-brained English footballer. Talent tore him away from a monotonous existence. He’s not a thinker. This tattoo is the exact sort of moronic thing he should be doing. It’s a welcoming sign there’s still a human being crying out beneath the meticulously constructed pitchman.

[Photo via Facebook]