Spring training is upon us and soon enough, so will the 2011 baseball season. With that comes glorious sunshine, Tim Kurkjian’s voice and the enjoyable experience that is outdoor drinking. In honor of said booze, I thought I’d pay tribute to the drink of Major League Baseball, beer, and list the 10 players I’d like to crack one with. In no particular order:
1. Jim Thome — This one’s pretty self-explanatory. If MLB were more similar to adult softball leagues, there would be several empty bottles next to first base by the third inning. Sure, Thome doesn’t play first anymore, but he’d probably hang out by first and shoot the shit if players were boozing.
2. Brian Wilson — Wilson would’ve been a great character on Oz, just not sure who he would have aligned forces with: Adebisi, Chuck Zito, the guy from Biohazard or the O’Reily brothers. I’m leaning O’Reily mostly due to his burning desire to rage.
3. David Eckstein — The chief reason to have a beer with David Eckstein would be to find out if he drinks primarily out of a sippy cup. Also wouldn’t hurt to ask him if really did buy the racecar bed from Silver Spoons.
5. Prince Fielder — Shortly after Cecil Fielder was traded to New York I went to a game at Yankee Stadium and afterward, a friend and I walked by the player’s entrance to see if we’d spot any players. Sure enough, as soon as the entrance was in sight, there was Cecil waddling out with a bag in one hand and a hot dog in the other. Fat guys are the best, and this list needed a fat guy.
6. Jayson Werth — A beer with Werth is closely followed by a swarming pack of poon waiting to pounce like starved cheetahs. This is a no-brainer.
7. Michael Weiner — He’s the MLB union head but could easily be mistaken for one of Dexter’s next chilling pursuits. Plus, having a beer with him would give me a chance to ask him about his eyebrows.
8. Shelley Duncan — I imagine boozing with Shelley Duncan involves chair shots, Rage Against the Machine, and attacking trash cans. Sounds like a good time.
9. Miguel Cabrera — Oh screw you, he looked so happy in that mugshot.
10. Sal Fasano — Sal is no longer playing baseball. He’s actually managing the New Hampshire Fisher Cats in Double A, but who cares, it’s Sal Fasano. Anyone uninterested in having a beer with this guy hates America.
[Photos via Getty]
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