Dallas Cowboys 2010 Obituary

The Dallas Cowboys 2010 season died last night in the Jerry Dome. It was seven weeks old. The official cause of death was Tony Romo’s broken clavicle, which was suffered when fullback Chris Gronkowski didn’t pick up the blitz and the Dallas quarterback was pulverized by New York Giants linebacker Michael Boley. Romo’s shoulder was powerfully driven into the turf and he lay writhing in pain.
Jon Kitna’s futile attempts to resurrect the Cowboys failed.
Born in August 2010 with Super Bowl aspirations, the Cowboys never could live up to the lofty preseason expectations and failed to become the first team in league history to play a Super Bowl in its own stadium. Though Romo’s broken clavicle caused the death, the patient had been suffering for weeks due to silly penalties, inept coaching, costly turnovers, and a vastly overrated secondary.
The 2010 Cowboys will be survived by … that remains unclear at the moment, but Jason Lisk has a few ideas, which will be presented later. Enjoy Steve Smith’s grave dancing.
[vid via Jovian]

- LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- Paul George’s Vicious Dunk on Birdman Was Not Rated PG [Video]
- Matt Harvey, the New York Mets’ Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
- The Kansas City Royals Are Becoming the Royals Again, and Fans Have Been Far Too Patient
- Champions League: Bayern Munich a Legacy of Losing at Stake

- The Alarm on Premier League: What Each Club Should Prioritize in the Summer
- kaiserwilhelmreems is commenting too quickly on LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- Billy Buckner on LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- Chief on LeBron James and Paul George Slapped Hands After Exchanging Spectacular Baskets to End the 3rd Quarter [Video]
- A.P. on Matt Harvey, the New York Mets' Star Pitcher, is Dating SI Swimsuit Model Anne V
134 Responses to “Dallas Cowboys 2010 Obituary”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.






October 26th, 2010 at 10:33 AM
failed to become the first team in league history to play a Super Bowl in its own stadium.
Not the first ones to try.
I come to bury the Cowboys, not to praise them. I come to dance on their grave and, depending on how intoxicated I get, I may even pee on it a little.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:34 AM
Dallas’ defense was terrible last night. That was the big story to me as far on their play on the field. Once Romo went down I assumed the offense would suck, but the defense has no excuse to play as it did. It was glorious to watch.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:34 AM
overrated, overhyped. adios
October 26th, 2010 at 10:34 AM
Were the Raiders still in Oakland when they played a Super Bowl at the Rose Bowl, or had they already moved to Los Angeles?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:35 AM
God bless the NY Post.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:35 AM
I’m not sure that Romo was writhing in pain on the turf, first look before the replay I thought he was knocked out cold. Also looked like he asked back into the game at some point, before they knew the extent of the injury.
A broken clavicle hurts like hell, I gained some respect for Romo last night.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:35 AM
And the guy to help pound in the final nail to that coffin? Hakeem Nicks!
October 26th, 2010 at 10:36 AM
I loved the shot of the owners box in the 3rd quarter, it had emptied out from earlier and looked like a very uncomfortable place to be.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:36 AM
The tone of this post is just…odd.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:36 AM
Oh well…
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
I enjoyed watching the Cowboys lose but it doesn’t lessen the pain of my Niners being 1 – 6.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
The Giants getting 3.5 last night was free money.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
Agree. A couple plays later he tried to sneak on the field and the trainer grabbed him from behind.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
i was thinking the same thing.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
Will there be a “Tyler Duffy (Tyduffy)” and do you guys have standard issue, uniform smoking jackets too.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:37 AM
Ware allowed himself to be taken out of 90% of the plays last night. He just wanted to speed rush the outside and the Giants ran right into his vacant zone or Eli stepped up into the pocket and made the pass. No adjustment, even if he did make the one forced fumble.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Its. Been. Real.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:38 AM
Once the NFL playoffs arrive it would be cool to let someone from a heated rival write a quickie (say 2-3 paragraph) obit for the eliminated team. Ex. Steelers are eliminated from the playoffs, Browns or Ravens fan writes a short obit.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:38 AM
i bet it was like a steamroom with all the steam coming from jerrah’s ears.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:39 AM
I VOLUNTEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 26th, 2010 at 10:39 AM
The only one they won while in LA happened at the Big Sombrero in Tampa if I’m not mistaken
October 26th, 2010 at 10:39 AM
The Giants are getting a lot undue hype.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:40 AM
/no homo’d?
This is the only thing that is getting me through the NFL season right now. Fuck you, Dallas.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:40 AM
I’ve been in and out the last week or so, but has the Randy Quaid story been discussed here yet?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:40 AM
Who’s going to track down the post of TBL mocking the FO guys for predicting Dallas to win (guessing here) 7 games?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
With Kitna at the helm for the bulk of the season, what’s the over/under on wins for the Boys now? 4-5? 7-8?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
Sadly I will have to pull for the Steelers this week as they can put up loss #4 on the Saints. That would be huge for Atlanta.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
I VOLUNTEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I originally had it “Browns fan (SPENCER!) writes an obit.”
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
That mug shot is epic.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
But I thought he wasn’t that good?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:41 AM
I would pay TBL money to write up the Viking one if and when they’re finally slayed…I’m also willing to call the TOD on the Bears right now, they’re finishing maybe 6-10
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
i nominate mike nyc for ombudsman.
/that’d be a seriously tough job
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
you. or no one.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
They played at Memorial Coliseum.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
I’m not sure that’s necessarily true. They’re not great, but they’re better than most teams in the NFC. I think that’s what most people have been saying. Kinda like the Falcons. Good, but not spectacular.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
Mrejr
Agree, they are a flawed team in a flawed conference, but 5-2, with both losses to AFC teams is a good place to be headed into the bye week.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:42 AM
I know. Don’t people understand they are in the NFC and the whole conference is a hot mess.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:43 AM
The Giants are getting a lot undue hype.
That won’t last. Even with Kitna on and Romo out, the Cowboys nearly came back on them.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:43 AM
the rangers are hogging all the attention here in dfw. i love the day after a cowboy loss b/c the local media freaks. now, they are kind of mad, but shift to the rangers.
that being said, screw the cowboys and thier piece of shit stadium.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:43 AM
Ha. If you want to get fucked by the banhammer, then by all means, flirt with her.
/RIP Spartacus
October 26th, 2010 at 10:44 AM
With Kitna at the helm for the bulk of the season, what’s the over/under on wins for the Boys now? 4-5? 7-8?
Clash of the Titans next week when the Jags come to town. Garrard should be back, but the Jags D is a disaster.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:44 AM
The Raiders? Yeah, that was their home stadium. I know they played a Super Bowl at the Rose Bowl, though. Wasn’t sure if they were in Oakland or LA when it happened.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:45 AM
Just like SF. Have two teams ever been happier for the World Series to arrive?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:46 AM
The LA Rams played the Steelers at the Rose Bowl in SB XIV but since it wasn’t technically their home stadium that doesn’t count I guess
October 26th, 2010 at 10:46 AM
Was just thinking about that…
October 26th, 2010 at 10:47 AM
Here you go, Mike.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:48 AM
Oh snap.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:48 AM
Lou Holtz approves.
/tries to change the subject from teh Cowboys
October 26th, 2010 at 10:48 AM
I believe TBL said he wished he could bet on that “line” in Vegas, so he could put the mortgage on it. Maybe I’m remembering it wrong, though.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:48 AM
Garbage time. Otherwise known as a Phillip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers special.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:48 AM
Gutless quitters.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Oh… wait…. HOLLA!!!!!!
October 26th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
TBL…did you put the mortgage on this?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Man, I hope TBL didnt bet a lot of money on that
October 26th, 2010 at 10:49 AM
Well that’s a shame.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Can someone give me the Giants strength of schedule?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
They’re 5-2 and look as good as anyone in the NFC. Should be another year where they are battling the Eagles into December. I love it.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Super Bowl XI, Oakland Raiders vs. Minnesota Vikings
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Anyone have a .gif of the Romo hit?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
Damn, clown. Nice find. That was a total dick move.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
The Football Outsiders are projecting 7.5 wins for Dallas. If any gambling outlet will give us that number, we’d take the over. And double down. Then beg the wife to put the mortgage on it
Man, I don’t want to give our fearless leader too much crap for this…but wow, that’s funny in retrospect.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:51 AM
I don’t know about that. It seems like the story from the game is Romo being hurt and The Cowboys falling to 1-5. Nevertheless,The Giants are getting better as the season goes on.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:51 AM
7th Mrejr
October 26th, 2010 at 10:52 AM
especially with the smug quotient off the charts in the above post.
then again…the FO guys watch as much football as anyone and know the game. perhaps it’s time for him to stop mocking them so mercilessly.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:52 AM
That seems like nitpicking to me. Home city, even if it is LA, still should count.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:52 AM
The Giants are not that good. The Lions almost beat them.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:52 AM
Go read that whole thread. Hilarious.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:52 AM
So I saw the 1st half and those 2 early turnovers certainly helped the Cowboys score, but I missed the 2nd half, how did the Cowboys score so much?? Was the Giants D that bad?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:53 AM
Love scrolling through the old comments.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:53 AM
Irish is that current or projected sos?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:53 AM
this. eli looked great last night and that defense has enough talent to get hot in the playoffs.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:53 AM
It’s the NFL, fella. No one blows teams out every week.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:53 AM
CJ, 5 turnovers and a punt return TD, last 14 points scored when Giants were up 38-20
October 26th, 2010 at 10:54 AM
The Ravens arent that good. The Bills almost beat them. The Steelers arent that good. The Dolphins almost beat them.
I think we have to realize every team this year has tangible flaws so its not out of the realm of possibility the Giants are a top 5 team.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:54 AM
TBL -
I know a couple of foreclosure attorneys in case you got your wish from the wife…
October 26th, 2010 at 10:54 AM
For all that is good and just, this.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:54 AM
Fixed for stompiness.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
That right there is a quality name change
October 26th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
I stand by my comment: “He really needs to change his commenting name to Cap Rooney.”
October 26th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
The fact that they play in the NFC makes it highly unlikely that they are top 5.
/AFC>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>NFC
October 26th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
Exactly.
/They loved the Jets in the preseason
//Sanchez is still a top ten qb by their calculations
October 26th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
I would agree with this, but they didn’t look too hot against the Lions. But I guess I can excuse a poor performance since they were playing the best Franchise in the NFL.
—
Great post TBL. I loved the CRM Yank’s Obit as well, hopefully we get a Miami Heat obit.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:57 AM
i stand by my assertion that i was wrong about sanchez moving forward, but he still sucked balls last season.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Most stunning thing about the game last night was Wrangler’s inability, or refusal, to replace or drop the Favre commercial. After SNL, how do you not do that?
October 26th, 2010 at 10:57 AM
Nice find Wally. Cowboys new over under should be 1.5 or 2.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:57 AM
I guess. Just seems there are more teams at the top in the AFC than the NFC. But I have watched most of the Steelers games this year, and they are considered by many to be the best team, and all I can think of is how freakin beatable they look. Its a giant smushmortion out there.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Irish is that current or projected sos?
sorry, i believe projected
October 26th, 2010 at 10:59 AM
I hate to sound too melodramatic, but it’s probably time to redefine what “good” actually is in the NFL. It’s unlikely and simply unrealistic to expect a team to look dominant every single week. For example, Atlanta’s a good team, but it’s foolish to be surprised and shout “FRAUD!” if they look shaky at times, especially on the road. That’s just how it is now.
October 26th, 2010 at 10:59 AM
Still not halfway there. The Giants have some young players, but they aren’t really a young team (especially on defense). They should be playing well right now. If they can avoid the injury bug they should be fine in December. Other teams will be getting better, though.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:00 AM
And I stand by my assertion that he was a rookie with way too much pressure on him and got better as the season went on.
And Eli is amazing.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:01 AM
it’s not just the top teams in the AFC, but the bottom ones too. buffalo might be the worst team in the NFL, but the rest of the AFC bottom feeders are scrappy and compete.
while the AFC has the worst team in the league, the NFC has carolina, dallas and arizona as well as teams that have a decent record but suck ass like chicago, washington, st. louis, tampa bay and seattle.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:02 AM
Sanchez has been waking up in a cold sweat for a couple days now after having nightmares about this
October 26th, 2010 at 11:02 AM
Fuck Green Bay, fuck Philly, fuck the NFC as a conference, an organization and as a mutherfucking crew.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Wow, the comments over at Her Loyal Sons are eye opening, if you follow through from that SbB link. Classy bunch, those Irish fans. Jersey and Hernia should be proud.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Of course he is… I think Sanchez took something with hair like that home one night after too many shots of Patron at Abe and Arthur’s.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:04 AM
Getting into the spirit early this week I see. How much you wanna bet the Jets are in 2nd place by next Monday? :-0
October 26th, 2010 at 11:04 AM
i truly believe that the browns could win the NFC’s west and south this year.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:04 AM
Based on the Atl and N.O. schedules I expected both of those teams to reach the 11 win total, but losing to Cleveland might bring New Orleans down to the 9-10 area.
NFC East is likely between the Eagles and Giants.
NFC North is unpredictable, but I think they do not get a wildcard team.
One team out of NFC West.
Still think Tampa is 8-8 at end of the season. Washington 9-7.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:05 AM
Between this and the fearless and unfathomable championing of Texas A&M and their horrible QB, it’s been a bad year of football predictions.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:05 AM
Well done, I just expect some Trojan-on-Trojan crime come Sunday…it will be the only hope as I’m not buying the Packer pass protection yet despite the shutdown of the Viking rush
October 26th, 2010 at 11:06 AM
Well at least you nailed the first part. You’ll be changing your tune on the NFC when your Jets get beat by the Lions.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:07 AM
fixed to accurately reflect sanchez’ carnal lust.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:07 AM
Oh, the bets I would want to make with you CJ. But you seem like a virtuous woman. Let’s save our bet for December 6th. I need to focus on ending Aaron Rodgers’ life on Sunday.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Fuck Green Bay, fuck Philly, fuck the NFC as a conference, an organization and as a mutherfucking crew.
And if you wanna be down with the NFC then fuck you you too.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:09 AM
I’ll hold you to this..
October 26th, 2010 at 11:09 AM
Rodgers and his receivers better get their timing back down. That was weird to watch the other night.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:10 AM
Between this and the fearless and unfathomable championing of Texas A&M and their horrible QB, it’s been a bad year of football predictions.
still dont know why aggie got all that hype. they aint doing shit til sherman leaves
October 26th, 2010 at 11:10 AM
Cue regrettable tryst
October 26th, 2010 at 11:10 AM
I don’t care if people hate it, this makes me giggle every time I pull it out.
/twss?
October 26th, 2010 at 11:11 AM
No, seriously… I was on fire in that thread.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:11 AM
my .44 make sure all your kids dont grow
October 26th, 2010 at 11:11 AM
If there’s a god he will make this happen.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:12 AM
Anyone know if Gronkowski’s been cut already? Or dead?
The Giants ‘D’ should make this their theme song. They have taken out 5QBs in 7 games! Jesus!
October 26th, 2010 at 11:12 AM
He nailed Auburn, though.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:13 AM
Hernia- look on twitter. found your X-mas present
October 26th, 2010 at 11:13 AM
I’m still banging my head over Sunday. Controlled the game for 3 quarters. Fumble at the goal line and all hell (with Kenny Britt leading the charge) breaks loose.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:13 AM
Nice find, Lefty. Classic.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:14 AM
i disagree because that song fucking blows.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:15 AM
Based on the Atl and N.O. schedules I expected both of those teams to reach the 11 win total, but losing to Cleveland might bring New Orleans down to the 9-10 area.
I have seen every Saints game this season and I have no idea what to expect from this team especially on offense. I saw on ESPN Reggie Bush is trying to practice this week and return Sunday against the Steelers. I would recommend sitting that one out and coming back after the bye week.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:19 AM
But NO doesn’t want to go to 4-4 heading into their bye. That would put them 2 games out of ATL, but ATL beat them in NO, essentially putting them up 2.5 games. ATL still has BAL, GB and NO left on the slate, and they could lose each of those games.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:22 AM
i don’t know why, but i just don’t have faith in atlanta.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:24 AM
Kolb and Palmer both just lit them up big time. That being said, Palmer did it with two key members of their secondary out, but still. Their defense is something worth questioning. Abraham doesn’t seem to be giving it 100% every game, either.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:25 AM
i disagree because that song fucking blows.
Ugh, we’re not arguing about the Beatles and Elvis. It’s the message of the song, not the fucking quality.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:26 AM
I don’t have a ton either, but everybody else has pee all over their legs.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:27 AM
i wish he didn’t give it 100% against joe thomas. abraham made joe thomas make his lunch and feed it to him. ive never seen thomas get so thoroughly undressed like that…it was his worst game as a pro without a doubt.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:28 AM
They have arguably the worst secondary in football. Just terrible. It will be their downfall.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:29 AM
you can pick a better song for beasts like that. “four horsemen” by metallica or “evil” by mercyful fate would be much better choices.
plus “let the bodies hit the floor” is a special kind of bad that deserves mention.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:29 AM
I know. It’s been weird. To give you an idea of what I mean… Abraham got the Eagles first game without Jason Peters. He was facing King Dunlap. He should have dominated.
The Eagles helped Dunlap with either a tight end or a back for the first half. Abraham was such a non-threat they stopped in the second half. Not a single bit of help for Dunlap in either quarter. Abraham finished with one tackle in the game.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:30 AM
holy shit, that’s fucking strange.
abraham should’ve lit him the fuck up.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:33 AM
Under the radar, underestimated, under respected — exactly where we want to be… at least until we take the NFC East title.
October 26th, 2010 at 11:37 AM
SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT!
October 26th, 2010 at 11:52 AM
Wait, are you telling me that the media over-rated the Cowboys during the Pre-Season?
SHOCKED! I am SHOCKED!
October 26th, 2010 at 12:04 PM
Lost to the Rams w/ a rookie QB. Barely beat Bears despite CutlerFucker throwing the game (I assume thats what he was doing). The Philly win was nice.
October 26th, 2010 at 1:18 PM
You should have plenty of time on your hands since the Clowns orbit will be written by week 10