Weekly Top Five: Brett Favre, Karen Sypher, Lance Armstong, Delonte & A-Rod

Almost every week Stephen Douglas and Tim Ryan will take you on a journey through links and pictures related to the previous days. Sometimes, we’re too hungover or too-on-vacation to compile a post such as this. In that case you’ll go without it and be forced to use the previous page option to remember the big stories. This is not one of those weeks. Let’s chat.

1. Karen Sypher
The Sports Hernia – “Sex for 15 seconds … NOW 26 YEARS IN JAIL” – Thank you, New York Post. I knew you had it in you.

Cousins of Ron Mexico – Was she the one with the three-way at Applebee’s? Do I have this mixed up? Did she get the money for the abortion? Who knows. This lady is going to jail for trying to extort Pitino. He would have just given her the money if she’d gone through World Wide Wes.

2. Brett Favre is Retiring, Unretiring
TSH – I would wear Vicente Padilla’s shower cap for three weeks if Brett Favre would just unretire already; and I hope he does. The NFL is filled with cartoon characters – on the field, in the booth and on the pregame shows – and Havin’ Favre Out There is no different. Thus, his return is welcomed with open arms, followed by a vengeful clothesline. However, his Crocs are most certainly not. Crocs are awful.

CRM – Like we all don’t know exactly how this is going to play out. Wake me when he’s about to blow the Vikings’ season.

3. Lance Armstrong
CRM – Well, we know this guy gave himself cancer. Now the feds are coming after him. Good riddance bike rider.

TSH – Lance Armstrong enjoys riding his bicycle.

4. Simmons and Klosterman Give (Chicken?) Legs To Delonte West – Gloria James Rumor
CRM – I’m thrilled. Legally, I have to say that this is a complete fabrication. I’m sickened by these alleged allegations towards such a polite young man and classy middle-aged lady. Having said that…

TSH – Been a huge year for cocks and Crocs. I must say, it’s been highly entertaining. The only pure thing left in today’s sports world is David Eckstein.

5. A-Rod’s 600th Home Run!
TSH – The New York Post’s Kevin Kernan pinning the Yankees losing streak on the team being too focused on 600 was remarkably cute, even for the Post. Deserving of some celebration though is yesterday’s cover of the New York Daily News. Standing ovay.

CRM – I find the whole asterisks thing incredibly annoying. In fact, I find most things annoying these days. A-Rod was using the same junk the pitchers were using. Athletes are always using something. Get off hour tall equines and get over it.