Tiger Woods is not a contender at the Open at St. Andrews. (The f-bombs start at :15.) Since Tiger’s buzzy opening round of 67 Thursday, Eldrick has faded, shooting back-to-back 73′s. The leaders could still collapse on the back nine today, but Tiger would need an epic, Rory-like round in the low 60′s Sunday to become a contender. Simply put, he’s not a factor. Again. Tiger’s 0-3 in majors since he was busted for shagging cocktail waitresses and randoms from coast-to-coast. And now, we introduce you to the aforementioned leaders … Louis Oosthuizen, Paul Casey, and Martin Kaymer.

Louis Oosthuizen, a 27-year-old South African, has led since Friday. His previous best finish in a major? Seventy-third two years ago at the PGA. He had missed the cut at five of the last six majors. Also, his full name – Lodewicus Theodorus Oosthuizen – has 28 letters.

Paul Casey, an English golfer who turns 33 on July 21, had a brilliant Saturday to surge into 2nd place. Casey’s got a good history at majors – he tied for 7th at the Open in 2008, and has three other Top 10 finishes on his resume. His girlfriend, Jocelyn Hefner, is somewhat attractive.

Martin Kaymer, a 25-year-old German, surged today with a strong front nine. He’s one of the hotter golfers on the tour, with two top 10 finishes in the last three majors.

Where are the Americans? Dustin Johnson is lurking seven shots back of Oosthuizen, and Ricky Barnes and Nick Watley are in the mix as well.